How to Ground Yourself Before You Overreact

When tension sparks, our nervous system goes into autopilot, making us fight, flee, or freeze. In relationships, that can sound (and/or feel) like defensiveness laced with criticism or contempt or withdrawal.

Here’s a quick 3-step reset I work on with my clients:

1. Pause Your Body

Feel your feet beneath you. Notice your heartbeat. Lower your shoulders. Force yourself to literally stop instead of instinctively turning to anger. Notice how this makes you feel.

2. Name What’s Happening

Now that you've forced your body to take a pause, you'll be able to notice what's going on. Take this opportunity to name what's going on. Literally say to yourself: "I'm feeling ______ right now. 

3. Choose Connection Over Reaction

 Once you've given yourself a chance to pause and then name what's going on, you can choose to re-connect, either with the person you're having an altercation with or with someone else you feel close to. Regardless, approach this re-connection from a place of peace and love vs. anger and defensiveness. And if you're still experiencing these emotions, then give yourself the gift of time until you choose re-connection.